I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
