I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
