Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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