If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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