Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
