dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think people are normalizing furries
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
