he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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