Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
