We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
