I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize