Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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