YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
