my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
