getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
