i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
