we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, beer. Big fan.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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