i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
