You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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