you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
