I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
