You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
