I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
