def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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