When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
