So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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