Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
