i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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