so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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