Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
