Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
