I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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