Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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