Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
