R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
