My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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