Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
