Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
