Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
