i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
