my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
so much tequila, so little girl.
you never un-have a 4some
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
