the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
