omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
