He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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