At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
