my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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