so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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