i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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