were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's always time for handjobs
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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