She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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