couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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