Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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