Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's just like the Real World with babies
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
