So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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