i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
