I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
