Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
