im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
