Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
