I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize