imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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