Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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