I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
