Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
