The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
