there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?