can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
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I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.