I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
