I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god