drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
