I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
