Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
