Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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