break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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